Tag Archives: entertaining guests

The Lost Art of the Thank You Note

August 24, 2019 Fran Comment

Or, “Do I really have to write that?”

I always talk about entertaining at home but what about when you’ve been invited to someone else’s home for a dinner party or an afternoon in the back yard? Do you need to send a Thank You note (I’ll get to email later) or is just saying ‘thank you’ as you leave enough? Expressing your gratitude at the end of the day or evening is critical but so is taking the time to actually write a thank you note later and here’s why.

Think about how much time you put into planning and executing a gathering at your own home. It doesn’t matter if it’s just family, business colleagues or your best friends who are the ones on the invite list. You expend effort and energy on the planning of the guest list, the menu, cooking or picking up from your favorite restaurant, décor, setting your table (al fresco or even at your breakfast table), and then making sure everyone is having a great time during the party.

And, your host has spent just as much effort on their event as well. So, when you take the time to send a personal thank-you note it’s simply a lovely reminder for the host that you appreciate everything they did and that you’re glad you were included.

Send it as soon afterward as possible – don’t wait a week. Just that small gesture of writing a short thank-you note will be remembered. Try to make it as personal as you can, say ‘thank you’ at the beginning of the note and add a detail or two from the evening. It will show you put some thought into the message. Even if you didn’t like the food or the group, find something positive to say – maybe you loved the way the table was set. It does not have to be a novel; a short note is perfectly acceptable.

I promised a note on sending an email thank-you and here it is:

Email thank-you notes don’t carry as much weight as ones that are hand-written. When you write one by hand it shows that you have taken the time to express how much your host’s invitation meant to you. I know it seems a bit old-fashioned to actually put a stamp on an envelope and use snail mail, especially in these tech heavy times, but it will impress.

However, email notes are more likely to get written AND, more importantly, actually sent. And, it’s much better to send an email thank-you than no thank-you note at all. If you are ‘hand-writing challenged’ and you can’t even read your own writing, then an email is preferred! They may not be as nice to receive but at least it will be legible! Depending on who is receiving the note, they may appreciate that an email is ‘greener’ than pen, paper, and stamp.

Having said that, write a thank you and you’ll get on the next invite list for sure!

In the picture:

Home Entertaining, Table Top, Lifestyle

What your dinner party guests really care about!

January 12, 2019 Fran Comment

At your next dinner party, try these ideas to keep a fun night really rolling.

I can’t tell you how many different dinner parties I’ve attended. Maybe almost as many as I hosted? I’ve been invited to some that were absolutely fabulous events, many were really enjoyable and memorable, and everyone had a good time. Thankfully, I’ve only been to a handful that stood out for the wrong reasons. But as it turns out, those are the ones that taught me the most about what dinner party guests really care about most.

First off, dinner parties are all about the gathering—who you invited, be they friends, family, or colleagues, and why. Maybe it’s a seasonal thing. Perhaps it’s a birthday, anniversary, or another type of celebration. But whatever it is, and whoever comes, don’t forget that it’s all about the sharing: food, beverages, and conversation.

If you put on a perfect night, your guests will come away with an excellent food memory. And, if you’re fortunate, they’ll remember that one night for years. This leads me to my second point: don’t stress about making the evening a complete standout. More on this later.

The fact is, you may be surprised by what your guests remember most about your dinner party. The usual “playbook” for parties causes us to focus on details, like the food. You want to be concerned with how you present the beautiful dishes that you’ve so lovingly prepared. But, what you may not realize is that, although guests may be awed by fancy and elaborate food you cook yourself, you really don’t need to cook to have a great party.

Let’s say you know this really great take-out place. Make it fabulous, make it fun, but don’t leave the food in the ‘to go’ containers they came in – replate everything! Seriously. Why struggle with a recipe that you’re not comfortable with? If you really want to cook, make something you can prepare in your sleep, like that delicious soup or casserole you’ve been perfecting for years.

When I can, I prepare all or most of the food the day before the party. Soups, stews and casseroles are always better the second day. Go to your favorite bakery and pick up a few fresh crusty baguettes. Add your favorite wine to go with the meal, and there you are—the start of a great dinner party! One you can really enjoy with your guests because you’re not stuck in the kitchen.

Just a little aside about food: remember all of your guests. Be aware if there are dietary restrictions. But, if a guest is really particular about what they will and won’t eat it’s OK to suggest they bring something they’ll be comfortable eating.

I repeat: the whole point of having friends and family over is the sharing. We love the food and drink, but—speaking for myself in particular—I live for the conversation. I love great stories, the little factoids, and snippets from people’s lives. Sometimes it’s quite a surprise what someone will share, but everyone is talking—and that’s the life of the party.

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than going to a dinner party where no one wants to talk. I have learned a few tricks to get things going. I always know a bit about everyone I’ve invited so that knowledge gives me the opportunity to add something in common each time I introduce guests that don’t know each other. For instance, I may put two or three people together and mention that they all love dogs. I may pair two up because they work in similar industries, or maybe they’ve traveled somewhere recently.

My best conversation starter strategy is my collection of cool little items I’ve picked up on my travels or at the local flea market. I learn a story or two about everything I collect so I can share it at a gathering. You never know the great conversations you may trigger with that approach.

Here are some other strategies I use for my dinner parties:

Of course, I never forget to line up music to complement the feel I want for the evening. Parties sometimes change as the evening progresses. I have different “playlists” that matches the mood of the party—or to improve a mood.

I always avoid especially strong smells so I stay away from perfumed candles except for a small one in the powder room. This way, the first smell to welcome my guests is the delicious aromas that float in from my kitchen.

Guests definitely notice the table settings but, that doesn’t mean everything has to match. Show some creativity. I often talk about mixing patterns and pieces at the table – things I’ve picked up at flea markets and second-hand shops. A mismatched place setting of silver, china, and glassware can really be a lot of fun.

Finally, the big centerpiece for your gathering: is you. Your guests will see the effort you’ve put into the evening—even if you’ve picked most of it up from the market already made. The biggest trigger for fun is how you present yourself. Guests notice if you’re stressed. Stuff happens—there will be hiccups. Let it go and so will your guests. Kick back and relax. Enjoy the evening, and your guests will follow.

One last big tip for your evening: don’t clean the whole time guests are there. If you need help, ask them. People are always happy to help, and with the right approach, clean-up can be part of the fun.

Check out my video for even more home entertaining tips. Enjoy!

Home Entertaining, Table Top, Friendships

Conversation Starters: The wonder of Salt Cellars

November 10, 2018 Fran Comment

“Above the Salt” Idea: Entertain guests like a pro with great salt cellars for your table.

Do you know someone who can really throw a fabulous gathering no matter how large or small? I have to say I’ve been lucky enough to know some party planning geniuses and, to be honest, I spend a lot of time paying attention to them – what they do and how they get it done.

What I’m describing here is the subtle art of home entertaining. Creating an intimate setting where the drinks are flowing, the food is excellent, and the music sounds fabulous, but at the very heart of the party is the conversation: electric, happy, and memorable.

THAT’s the key, right there: the trigger for a great conversation. Without it, you could host a party with a five-star magician as the main entertainment, and still watch it flop. I know. I’ve seen it happen. So, what IS the secret? What’s the trick to triggering conversation and keeping everyone talking?

Consider these examples:

When friends come to visit a friend of mine’s home for drinks, he pulls out old AOL sign-up CDs from the 90s and uses them as coasters. Boomers laugh. Millennials gape at them as though they’re museum collectibles.
Another friend uses “vintage” Melmac cups, saucers, and plates from the 1960s – a very nice retro look that goes with her retro décor. Along with her movie posters (also from the 60s), her home really is like a museum, but you should hear all the conversation!
An author I know collects photos from pre-World War II Europe and has framed reprints all around his home. For people who have traveled to Europe – especially Italy and Germany – these are very precious images that never fail to trigger a conversation.

The truly cool thing about this “trick” is that, for it to work, you don’t have to go all out and redecorate your home. Add things that complement your existing décor and personal tastes. But, do your research and be THAT person who knows a bit about whatever you’ve add to make things just a bit more interesting. In my case and for my taste, I like curios that I pick up from estate sales, often for the tabletop or kitchen.

Recently, I rediscovered Salt Cellars, also called ‘salt pigs,’ which were used to hold and dispense salt. They can be either lidded or open and vary significantly in size, shape, and materials – from very simple to incredibly elaborate made out of precious metals and stones.

Salt cellars of various shapes and sizes have been found dating from the time of the Greeks and Romans. During the Middle Ages very elaborate salt cellars were placed at the head of the table as a sign of status and prosperity, so they were often crafted in silver and decorated with sea motifs (remember – it was sea salt that was being put into the salt cellars).

In addition to the large bowl placed at the head of the table, smaller ones would be set around the table for the guests. Social status was measured by where guests were seated relative to the master’s large salt cellar. So, high ranking guests sat ‘above the salt’ and closer to the host while lower ranking ones sat ‘below the salt.’

Some of these master salt cellars were so large and ornate that they were called ‘standing salt’ because they weren’t passed around the table. The tiny spoons first appeared in the 17th century as the use of these larger salt cellars increased. Common salt shakers didn’t appear until the Victorian era in England but remained unpopular because salt tended to clump up due to moisture in the air. After anti-caking agents were introduced in 1911, salt shakers became more popular and cellars were eventually demoted off most dinner tables.

Salt cellars are now a collector’s item, but I like to use them around the table with different salts in them. Sea salts come in many shades and flavors that can really add excitement to your food. Using different salt cellars with different salts is another way to kick-off conversations, and keep the memories flowing no matter how you’ve been “salted.”

Check out my video for more ideas on home entertaining.